What Is A Silent Agreement

A big problem with this oppression is that even feelings that seem buried stem from behavior. Because we carry with us the doubt and fear of sharing our feelings, we compromise with ourselves in the form of silent agreements. We now believe that such feelings will cause difficulties if we express them out loud, so we make a deal with ourselves and with others to make life easier by remaining silent. You`ve been with this guy for almost a year, and while it`s going pretty well (you both love morning hikes and rom-coms on Netflix), there`s one thing that annoys you. Every time you go to dinner, it never reaches the check. While you don`t mind paying for the tab (you can afford it – you have a great job and your salary is higher than his), it`s a bit strange that he never offers to cover his own Pad Thai. Are you petty? No. You, my friend, are participating in a silent agreement. Silent agreements are the implicit rules of your relationship that emerge as a result of tacit expectations. You might look something like „My partner isn`t used to reaching out to each other, so I end up doing it for him“ or „I cook and she usually washes the dishes.“ Theoretically, none of these things are that bad, but if you`ve never talked about them before and just assumed that`s what the other person wants you to follow, then you have a silent agreement — and that could potentially undermine communication in your relationship. Later, instead of putting up with her true feelings and leaving after spotting the first (or second or third) red flag, Sarah learned to live her relationship happiness by showing anger and impatience while hoping that her partner would end the relationship so she wouldn`t have to do it herself. Eventually, the relationships ended because their behavior forced their feelings into the light.

Only then was the silent agreement broken. At twenty-one years old, a young woman alive, bold, with dreams and ambitions, Sarah was back on the same cycle. .